We All Have A Role To Play: Dating Violence Amongst College Students
Generally, I try at all costs to avoid reading news coverage of kidnappings and murders. Whether waiting in line by the magazines at the grocery store or reading news online, I sidestep these stories, perhaps selfishly, to protect my psyche. But my time working here at the Family Violence Prevention Fund’s kNOwMore campaign has opened my eyes to a particular case that demands universal awareness on behalf of the fight against violence against women.
In early May, 22-year old Yeardley Love, a student and lacrosse player at the University of Virginia was murdered by her ex-boyfriend, George Huguely. While this story may have seemed like an anomaly, the devastating truth is that various forms of dating or intimate partner violence (IPV) are actually quite common amongst college students. According to an anonymous survey of 910 undergrads, aged 17 to 22, by Christine M. Forke, M.S.N., C.R.N.P., of the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, 44.7 percent of participants experienced relationship violence either before or during college, and more than half of the violence (whether physical, sexual, or psychological) that is experienced during college is related to an intimate partner rather than a friend or acquaintance. I was shocked to learn that IPV is central to the dynamic of many couples in colleges all over the country, just like mine.
Love’s and Huguely’s relationship showed all the typical signs of IPV. Also typical of IPV situations is the idleness of their friends and other bystanders. These witnesses either did not know how to recognize IPV or thought that it wasn’t necessary to get involved. Further, on the night of Love’s death, a friend reported that people saw Huguely at a party “breaking bottles” and that “he said he was going to go to Love’s apartment to get her back”, yet nobody seemed particularly worried or tried to stop him. Social norms regarding relationships typically cause onlookers to ignore warning signs. It is so common for people to be blind to signs of abuse that are right beneath their noses. Controlling a partner’s body through reproductive coercion and birth control sabotage are other signs of abuse in relationships that often goes unnoticed. We all have a role to play in stopping violence in all its forms. We must each make a commitment to live lives free of violence (whether causing it or receiving it) and to prevent violence in the lives of others by speaking out, standing up, stepping in, and finding support for victims caught up in the cycle of fear and violence.
The Family Violence Prevention Fund’s That’s Not Cool campaign has great resources for recognizing and preventing teen dating abuse. Check it out!
Every time I would confront him about his lies and unfaithfulness, he would force himself on me sexually. He always refused to wear a condom and would act offended when I suggested he use one."
August 3rd, 2010 at 5:30 pm
Gavin, great article! It’s in true journalistic style, beginning with an anecdote & then broadening the discussion, ending with what we should be doing about it. I confess I had never heard of IPV. Interesting that it has been codified. You make it personal by identifying yourself as a college student, yet you make it professional sounding with the reference to the survey done by our own CHOP.
I’m proud of you all over again.