“Janey’s” Story
I fell head-over-heals in love when I was 19, and had just moved out of my parents’ house for the first time. He was 6 years older and very romantic. The abuse started immediately, but it was not physical. It started out as lies. He lied to me about everything, though I did not realize it at the time. Weeks after our first date, he wanted to be exclusive, and he wanted to move in with me. Because I was in love, I let him move in.
In time, I learned just how much he lied to me and how unfaithful he was sexually. Every time I would confront him about his lies and unfaithfulness, he would force himself on me sexually. He always refused to wear a condom and would act offended when I suggested he use one. Other forms of birth control (female contraceptives) made me very sick, and I could not use them for health reasons.
I wanted him to move out of my house. Every time I even suggested it, he would become furious and physically threaten me. He consistently told me how “crazy,” “jealous,” and “insecure” I was for questioning him about his lies.
The first time I got pregnant against my will, I had the baby. I was diagnosed several times for STD’s. He was my only partner.
He went to jail for violating his ex-girlfriend’s order of protection. When he got out, two years later, he promised he loved me and would never hurt me. He wanted us to be a happy family. I believed him.
At that time, I was attending college full-time and had no financial income. Again, he would refuse to use birth control, promising me he would “pull out.” The times that he intentionally did not “pull out,” I would become hysterical and cry. He would laugh at me and call me crazy. I visited my school nurse requesting emergency contraceptive more than 10 times. Each visit cost me $30 - $40. I told him to leave me alone and move on, but he would always find a way to pull on my heartstrings.
The second time I got pregnant, I could not afford emergency contraceptive. I was too proud to ask my family for help. He refused to help me pay for an abortion. I was devastated, yet he was thrilled. He thought maybe another baby would keep me in his life forever. He knew I wasn’t happy. By this time, every sexual encounter was against my will. He would laugh at me every time I got upset and said “No.”
I finally was able to retrieve my key and keep him out of my house. He decided to move in with another girl. He would set up a visit with our children, and then try to force me to have sex with him. Finally, one night at 2 am he broke my locked window to get into my house. I involved the police. I finally got an order of protection, and a few months later he went to jail for other reasons.
I’m finally free. I graduated college. I am very successful professionally, and I have two healthy children.
After several months of having sex against her will using only condoms she decided to go on hormonal birth control. Her boyfriend adamantly opposed the decision. He said the pill made women want to have sex all the time, and that I’d start to cheat on him…"
October 28th, 2008 at 11:04 am
I have to say that it really shows what kind of person u are, u had a child u DID NOT PLAN and tried not too keep….but u still love them and take care of them and be there mother…it shows that u have a heart of gold and are a wonderful person dispite what u have been through in ur life, and i say this to all women in your possition.
December 26th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
you are a strong person. you’re only weakness was trusting someone you loved. You have a bright life ahead of you. Love your kids because they are part of you. Show them and let them know that although they are a product of a bad relationship you love them undconditionally.
Much success!
February 5th, 2010 at 5:50 pm
I am deeply moved by your strength and courage. I read your story with some fear and was relieved to reach the end to learn of all that you have made of yourself and your family. I hope that you feel proud of yourself and your accomplishments. You are an inspiration!
March 11th, 2010 at 9:58 am
You are a very strong person and i am proud to say that you did the right thing. No matter what he did to you , you still made a way to become the successful person you wanted to become.