“Zhuo’s” Story
I am the product of contraception sabotage of some sort. My mother passed away 17 years ago after surviving around 25 years of an abusive marriage. My father is a GP with borderline narcissistic personality disorder. He has always blurred the lines between father/husband and doctor, using his medical position as an excuse to manipulate and control us. My mother tried to make friends outside the family, but each time my father found a new way to make her sever those ties and discouraged her from calling her sisters by recording her calls.
I had always wondered why there was such a large age gap between myself and my two brothers. There’s a 10 and 12 year age difference.
Dad maintained that my mum was tired of two boys and wanted to give it ‘one last go’ at age 42. Then I found out the real reason from my eldest brother, in a confession my mother made to him a few months before she died.
Around the time I was conceived, my mother finally worked up the courage to leave. She told my father she wanted a divorce. My father, who prescribed all her medication, withheld her contraception and raped her, thinking that another child would turn her around. He guilted her into staying. She had no network, no way of getting a job to support herself and a child if she left, felt it was a ‘woman’s responsibility’ to not abandon her children.
There was relief on many levels when she finally passed away.
Every time I would confront him about his lies and unfaithfulness, he would force himself on me sexually. He always refused to wear a condom and would act offended when I suggested he use one."
April 16th, 2010 at 4:17 pm
Someone I work with visits your blog quite often and recommended it to me to read as well. The writing style is superior and the content is interesting. Thanks for the insight you provide the readers!
August 7th, 2010 at 12:40 am
I have a very attractive boyfriend but he has verbally abused me for a really long time? I love him and he loves me too but his words cut through me like a knife and also he’s like a rain storm and. I’m standing outside in a field of wild flowers and. I can’t ever escape from him. I try to run away but he’s being forceful and everything with his foul language and. I have tried to reckon with him but. I can’t ever win for even trying to talk it out with him at all?
Angela de los Santos
September 18th, 2010 at 5:38 pm
To sweetie: you don’t deserve to be abused, and abuse isn’t love. Lots of us said “love BUT…” for many years, in many ways, before we got away. Look here:
http://www.youarenotcrazy.com/ for what verbal abuse is;
http://blainn.com/abuse/ for Blain’s questions to ask yourself;
http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/Personal/life_after_abuse.html for just one of many stories from survivors, but this is one I re-read often.
Good luck and take care.