“Sandi’s” Story
New Jersey
Birth Control Sabotage
“Sandi,” a PhD student, is a paragon of the High-Achieving Young Woman: the winner of a scholarship to a prestigious university, a runner, and an active volunteer. “Most people don’t ever imagine that I’ve had a history of sexual assault—it’s just not the sort of thing that’s supposed to happen to women in the world I come from,” she expressed.
Last year, “Sandi” met a businessman named “Chris” at a party not far from her university, and the pair began dating shortly thereafter. “He seemed like the perfect guy, and the sort of person who nobody—I mean nobody—would ever suspect of being abusive. He’s a pretty charismatic guy.”
When they began having sex towards the beginning of their relationship, “Chris” deliberately sabotaged the condoms—pretending that they’d slipped or broken, when in fact he would purposely remove the condom before ejaculating.
Anxious to avoid an unplanned pregnancy after one of these incidents, “Sandi” obtained emergency contraception. When she informed her boyfriend of her decision, he became “absolutely livid…He started telling me that I was a dirty whore for ‘having an abortion’ (i.e. taking Plan B).” The fight escalated from emotional and verbal abuse into an attempted physical assault, in which Chris spat in Sandi’s face and tried to strike her.
“Chris” gathered all of “Sandi’s” belongings, forced her into his car, drove her into the nearest city, and dropped her off on the side of the road. She had no way to get home (her campus dorm was nearly two hours from the city) and felt that her safety was endangered. For months in the wake of the break-up, “Sandi” found herself sobbing and experiencing anxiety attacks.
Chris deliberately sabotaged the condoms pretending that they’d slipped or broken, when in fact he would purposely remove the condom before ejaculating."
June 24th, 2009 at 2:08 am
Anxiety keeps me from living, thanks for the post, I will get over it one day